One Fowl Christmas
by WolfButler
Summary: This is a Xmas Story that has lots of my Other Characters in it.Doesn't have much Artemis in it but it does have some relatives of the Fowls and the Butlers. It's a big family reunion sort of thing!Only rated K for a bit of violence & 1 implied kiss!:D


_**Just to let you know...**_

**I only own my ideas. Eoin Colfer owns all the original characters but not my characters and if you don't know which is which then why are you reading the Artemis Fowl section of FanFic?**

**(Now just before anyone tells me that it says in the books that Butler doesn't have a younger brother because he thinks of Artemis as his little bro I know ok!! It's just perhaps Butler decide not to reveal all of his family members to Mr Colfer when he got interviewed by him or something. OK? Go along with it please or a lot of this won't make sense!!)**

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-_**One Fowl Christmas**_

**Prologue/Epilogue**

It was going to be the first Christmas Party held at Fowl Manor in over a decade. Of course, there was a reason that the Fowls didn't have Christmas Parties anymore. Artemis didn't know it, he was too young to remember. But others could.

Every year until after the the one of doom, the Fowls had invited Artemis I 's brother and his family over to stay until after the New Year. A sort of Christmas/New Year party family reunion for both of them, and of course, their Butlers who came along too.

Finally,after much nagging from both families, Artemis Fowl Senior had given in.

His parents took a deep breath as Artemis II welcomed his cousins, uncle an aunt into the manor. Myles and Beckett greeted the three younger cousins excitedly, two girls and a boy, Olivia, Louise and Nathaniel. Marius and Artemis started catching up on the latest science discovery or something. Mrs Fowl warmly embraced her brother-in-law's wife. Mr Fowl just stood there.  
"Are you ok, sir?" Butler asked quietly.  
"I will be" Mr Fowl replied.  
"It _will _be ok"  
"I know, I know" the Fowl answered before Butler was engulfed by several other nearly identical men in a "Butler Family Reunion" wrestling match like hug. Artemis I looked for his own brother.  
"Tim!" hollered the person he was searching for, gripping Artemis I in a one armed hug, the other balancing a present.  
"It's so good to see you!! Don't you ever _die_ on me like that again!! You are my favourite little brother after all!!"  
"I am your only brother, Richard" he said grinning and returning the hug.  
Artemis I smiled. The memories were flooding back. The good ones and the not so good ones but the family ones. The ones that mattered most. And finally he knew everything would be ok. He wasn't an international crime lord anymore and no one was likely to try all_ that_ again, especially after last time. He joined his family in the festive spirit. Everything was good in the world.

_**Chapter 1**_

"Hello!! Hello!! Merry Christmas!!"  
This was followed by much "Mwah, mwah" ing by the females of the congregation and much thumping of backs and shoulders from the males.  
Just another Fowl Family Christmas Party. I suppose here would be a good time to introduce all of the guests. There was:  
"Come here dear, come and give your Mama a kiss!!"  
"Aww Ma!! Stop being so embarrasing!!"  
... Mrs Butler, the Matriach of theButler family , mother to the 3 Butler boys and, of course, Juliet.  
Her husband, known as the Genral who was the Majors brother, who was gruffly greeting his offspring, the Major himself and his charges Mr and Mrs Fowl (Artemis I and Angeline) were there. Then there was their two year old son, Artemis II, and his Butler, Domovoi, the second oldest of the three Butler boys at 29 years old. Then, two years older, Roban Butler who had taken over guarding Richard and Florence, Artemis I's brother and sister-in-law after an accident forced his father to retire early, seven years ago, incidently a year before Juliet, the youngest Butler present, was born. Finally, there was the youngest male Butler, Tomas, 26, who was currently being almost crushed by his older brothers, and guarded Artemis II's cousin of the the same age,two,Marius Fowl. There was also the temporary maid,Cherice, while the usual maid was away for Christmas, but no one really paid much attention to her. A mistake as it happened.

The company sat down together for a delicious meal that night courtesy of the Butlers, which, Dom and the Major admitted was made better by the extra five pairs of Butler hands (even if Juliet did drop the pudding face down on the kitchen tiles.)  
The whole family sat in the living room playing scrabble and getting excitable about tomorrow, Christmas Day. The children soon fell asleep in front of the roaring hearth but the adults chatted long into the night untill just three remained.  
"I think I'm gonna hit the sack now,Tom" It felt weird calling his brother by his first name, thought Domovoi, but there was no one but the maid and a sleeping toddler, Artemis, near enough to hear. Juliet didn't count. She already knew all of her brothers so well that she was sometimes the only one who could tell them apart. ("It's easy" the six year old would say scornfully "Tom's gots ginger eyebrowsies and Dom and Rob have black but Dom has a bald line on it from where I headlocked him into the windy" She meant the glass door which her and her brother had fell through once when she had amushed him, jumping onto his shoulders from the staircase and sending them both crashing through the portal. Three hours in casualty later, stitches ensured that Juliet would always be able to tell her brothers apart by their scars, or lack of)  
"Right, sure. I'll be up in a min. I'll just beat ... thingy here at Scrabble."  
Tom had had a few bottles of beer to many and had already spelt hello with three "L"'s and an extra "e" and couldn't remember the name of the maid he had been playing against for the past hour and a half, so Dom seriously doubted Tom was sober enough to finish the game let alone win. He yawned and nodded anyway, scooping up baby Artemis and bending his knees low enough for Juliet to scramble onto his back from the sofa, where she hung like a limpet all the way to the room they were sharing. After putting Arty to bed and losing to Juliet in the whispered arguament for the only bed in the room, Butler remembered he had left his tie downstairs and went to fetch it. As he walkedthrough the hall he tripped over an umbrella stand and ended up falling into the living room. Luckily for Tom.  
"Jeez, mate!! How much did you have?" Tom laughed.  
"Shut it ginger" muttered Dom scrambling to his feet, embarrassed, but not as much as the maid for some reason. As he flicked his brother on the ear with his tie he noticed that there was red on his lips. Dom glanced at the bottle Tom had, not wine which, unless Tom was becoming a drag queen, which honestly wouldn't suprise him too much, "nothing was impossible",his training had taught him, the maid had being doing more than spelling with his brother before he had walked, sorry, _fell _through the door. Nothing but a raised eyebrow (the scarred one) hinted he had noticed anything. Tom rapidly scrubbed his cheek, the same training had taught him too, to notice everything.

Later, Tom nearly got a black eye when he grabbed Dom from behind on the stairs.  
"You say anything and I will kill you"  
"Say what?" the older brother managed to say innocently when the adrenalin in his system had decreased enough for him to speak quietly. And then "Night"

_**Chapter 2**_

The middle male Butler (work that out) did not sleep to well on the rug on the cold wooden floor , while his sister slept "Great thanks" in _his_ bed (not fair but she would have told Ma on him if he'd made her sleep in the cat basket). He went downstairs and made breakfast for the "lazy-lot" with his uncle. Before...  
"Daaaaaaaaaaad!! Geddup geddup Santa's bin!!" two toddlers shouted waking up the whole house.

Two hours later everyone had a knitted jumper from Ma Butler, amongst their pile of goodies.  
"So!! What's everyone'sfavourite prezzies then?" asked Mrs Fowl.  
"Shoulder holster" said Rob  
"Thomas the Tank"Arty and Marius cried out together.  
"Action Man!!" shouted Juliet.  
"T-shirt" Tom added  
There was a short silence...  
"My jumper, thanks Ma" Dom finally said. His mother beamed and squeezed the breath out of him. He wasn't sure he was glad he had after that, version of a thankyou, he thought, rubbing his ribs, but someone had to say it. His mum put a lot of work into these woolies.

The maid watched from afar. She watched the famillies, laughing, talking, playing together. She wasn't sure that she could do it. It felt like betraying the people who had welcomed her with open arms into their home. But it was the money. Anyway. It was a dog eat dog world out here.

Much later, after watching the Queens speech (well some of them did but three of the Butler siblings ended up on the carpet playing with Action Man and Thomas the Tank, execpt Rob who had escaped being noticed asleep until he suddenly snored extremely loudly just as the Queen was mentioning the world's economics and after that no one heard much for the laughing). Anyway, full of Christmas Dinner and good spirit everyone headed up for an early bed. Everyone except the maid. She waited 2 and a half hours before pulling out a walkie-talkie and pressing the "talk" button. "Ok, everyone's down" she said. Guiltily she shoved several empty vial's into the bin. Each one had been used to drug every adult in the house execpt herself by pouring a sleeping draught over the adults plan was simple. With everyone tranquilised the three children would simply be waltzed out of the manor and held for ransom by the time the grown ups had stopped snoring.

_**Chapter 3**_

After the last night's shenanagans , Juliet was sleeping in the nursery with the two younger boys. She woke up first when a shadow passed over her bed. Without making any noise she slipped to the floor and crept out of the door, the shadow didn't notice, it was to busy picking up the sleeping boy.

Dom was having a weird dream about a christmas tree and a reindeer when his sister whacked him over the head with the butt of his SigSaur.  
"Dom!! Wake UP!! Baddies is here!!"  
"Whaaa?" he grumbled. "Fugudnuzake Jules..."  
And then  
"Hang on!! What baddies?"  
"Shadowy ones stealin Arty!!"  
"What?! Where?!" he yelped tumbling out of bed.  
Juliet looked at her brother pityingly "Well in Arty's room, duh."

Whispered voices where arguing ferociously. Shadow 1 was blaming Shadow 2 for something.  
"Idiot! The boss said don't wake them up"  
"Well put it down then, it'll go back to sleep thats what babies do ain't it?"  
"They're toddlers."  
"Same thing. They'll still go bye-bye"  
"Like you" said a voice behind the shadows, clapping their heads together painfully. It was, of course, Butler.

10 minuets later, four sleepy siblings were gathered on the staircase.  
"They won't have been alone." Rob said quietly.  
"How did they...yawn... get in? Tom asked.  
"Who knows but..."  
A crash from downstairs brought the conversation to an abrupt halt.  
"Tom. Guard the kids" Rob ordered, after all he was the oldest.  
"What abouts me?" asked Juliet.  
"You help Tom while me and Dom sort out the baddies."  
"But..."  
"No buts Jules. Anyway Tom can't look after two kids and himself so you need to look after him ok?"

Eventually their sister grudgingly agreed that Tom was useless with babies and stayed upstairs to help.  
"Have you tried waking the others?"  
"Nothing. Face it mate. Someones got inside info or summit."  
"We're probably ok coz we're too big, they got the doses wrong and I don't think whoever it is risked drugging the kids"  
"Who would've done this though?"  
"Dunno but I've got a feeling we are about to find out!"  
And the two brother sneaked round the kitchen door to face the intruders.

_**Chapter 4**_

"Freeze!! And we won't have to kill you" threatened a male voice.  
The brothers raised their arms slowly. Damn. This was not the tatical avantage they had planned for. A group of darkly dressed figures stood before them. Rob looked at Dom, Dom looked at Rob. At the same instance they yanked down on the pan rack their raised hands had grabbed a moment before.  
Oh the adavantages of being tall, thought Dom as half the Fowls collection of pots and pans came crashing down onto the attackers heads.

Meanwhile Tom was thinking the exact opposite. Being tall had no advantage in a nursery, he thought, rubbing his head after its third colision with a decorative hanging ducky mobile. At that precise moment, the maid walked in.  
"Erm... Hi" Tom spluttered.  
"Hi I was just wondering what's going on?" she said backing him towards the walk-in-wardrobe. Tom's brain was going into overdrive. Why wasn't she asleep like the rest of them? Wait a minuet, was she behind all ... unfortunately for Tom, he realised this at the exact moment the wardrobe door flew inwards and a darkly clad figure wound a thin rope around his neck.

What followed in the kitchen could have been described as choas in which no less than five shots were fired at our heros, all of which missed and one of which was deflected by a saucepan (don't ask). By the end of four minuets of fighting, Rob and Dom had ensured that seven thieves on the first floor of the manor would be waking up in a couple of hours with extreme headaches and no idea how they ended up tied to a wooden chair each.

Back in the nursery things were not looking so great. Dying by strangulation with a "Tug along Thomas the Tank Engine"'s cord was not particulary the way that Tom had planned to die, not that actually he had a plan of his preferred method, his brain spouted off random thoughts in panic. Unless he did something quick, he wasn't going to get much choice in the matter, plan or no plan. He tried to stand up but his attacker was a good foot shorter than him and hung on for Tom's grim death. Damn. Think man think!! Then it hit him. If he couldn't stand, he could still fall. Which he did. Spectacularly. Something crunched. Not Tom. He sat up rubbing the deep welt in his neck.  
"Ouch" he said, to no one in particular. Then the maid, Cherice, gasped and Tom remembered what he was on the verge of thinking, just before a madman had attacked him with a plastic toy's tug along string.  
"Why?" he asked slowly, standing up.  
"I'm sorry" she cried "I wouldn't have done it, but it was the money... I wouldn't have..."  
"What? Betrayed us all or snogged me? You selfish..."  
"You..." she began "I hate you!!"  
"So? I never liked you anyway." Tom shouted angrilly "So what is it then, eh?"  
"Both!!" she screamed pulling out a gun. Tom was just about to regret saying anything particularly offensive to her when the bullet was knocked off path by something impacting heavily with the back off the treacherous maid's head. Tom looked up,expecting to see one of his brothers. Instead, his little sister stood there, fists raised.  
"Rob was right when he said you needed protecting!!"  
Tom was to relieved to be embarrased at being saved by his baby sister. He was going to say how grateful he was that his brother had taught her that spinning kick and how much he loved her for being so brave, after all, not many six year old would take on an armed maid. Then he remembered that she would call him soppy and that one day when she was grown up she would remember this and probably mention it at somebodies wedding or something. So he didn't say all that.  
"Nice kick." he said instead, grudingly.

_**Chapter 5**_

Later on the Fowls woke up to find no less than ten strangers and thier maid tied to the kitchen chairs. Needless to say, when they were informed of the happenings, paronoia got the better of them and they decided that the attempted kidnap was due to the fact that so many Fowls were in the vicininty at one time. Much to everyones regret, Fowl Family Gatherings were cancelled from then on. As the non-resident Fowls were leaving the next day, the Butler siblings gathered together.  
"You know, this is probably the only time we're gonna all be together again for a while."  
"Yeah"  
"Unless somebody dies"  
"Gee thats nice. I expect we shall all be in the best of moods then."  
"I could always arrange for you to be the dead one, Dom, then you wouldn't need to worry about it"  
"Joking!!I was_ joking_!!" Tom screamed as his brother attempted to throw him into the ornamental fountain. Juliet saved Tom for the second time in as many days by saying  
"Well it's my birthday in six months and three days and you better not miss my party!!"  
The brothers stopped fighting and all three agreed to obey their little sister. Secretly they all didn't dare, as not to would probably be more dangerous than all of their assignments put together, and anyway, Jules could be scarier than Madame Ko when she wanted to be!!

Domovoi watched his family drive away into the sunset. He sighed. At least Rob and Tom had each other for company. The Major wasn't half as much fun as his brothers. Or half as annoying either, but he probably wouldn't be able to tip the Major into the fountain if he was. As she left, Ma had said she would send Juliet over for training with him when she was ten. That would be a laugh. Artemis would be six then, as old as she was now. As if hearing his name mentioned in his bodyguards thoughts, his young charge began screaming the manor down.  
"Butler!!" Mr Fowl yelled.  
"Coming" he shouted back. Butler sighed. He was going to miss these Christmas Parties.

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**So, any good? I know it's not **_**that**_** funny but it was just something that was in my head.  
I thought up the Other Characters ages ago and they have been sat in my head with my imaginations of Eoin Colfers characters having their little advantures and it was about time I wrote some of them down!!  
I think I sort of waffled on a bit, but it seems different when you're just imagining it, its harder putting it into words!!  
Anyway hope you liked it. And by the way I**_** know**_** you can separate the chapters but I couldn't really be bothered because they aren't really long ones!!  
******** :D !! Merry Christmas!! :D ******


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